The Beginning

Well then.. this is just simply nerve-wracking. I don't even know where to start. I suppose I can start from the beginning.

Hello. My name's Allison. I've made a decision this year to start a blog and here I am. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and even though I don't have much to offer, I figured that I could at least share nothing but prayer closet thoughts on here. I don't have a perfect life. I'm not part of the worship team. I'm not part of the greeting team. I'm not a pastor or a leader.

However, I am part of the creative team, but I only do the photography. For the most part, I am just like you. I move behind the curtain, sometimes I wonder if what I am doing is even enough.. I start pointing out everything that I am not doing and spiral..

"Allison, you didn't read the bible today. Shame on you."

"Allison, did you even pray this morning? You think a thank you God for this day is enough?"

"Allison! Why are you feeling this way, you have God, you don't need anything else!"

"Allison! This is what you get for not reading your bible!"

"Allison, you're never going to accomplish anything in this emotional state."

"Allison, nothing is ever going to come to you all broken like this."

"Allison, you will never heal and you will always be broken."

I want to clarify that I am not starting this blog for pity, or prayer. I merely want to share my thoughts and perhaps encouragement because I know that picking up your cross every single day is not an easy thing. It's not easy seeing others

get their miracles while you weep and cry and pour your heart out before the Lord for your own miracle and still get told to wait. Or sometimes you get silence..

I am going to be completely honest here, there is absolutely no comfort any person can provide to that type of frustration. None. Zero.

In the midst of this frustration, I have taken Matthew 18:3 quite literal.

"And said, 'Truly I say to you, unless your turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'"

I gather up all my cares, all my anger, all my worries and throw the biggest temper tantrum before the Lord, my God, my Father. And I don't mean a prayer with my worries. I mean a full blown temper tantrum. Tears. Screams. Sobs. Snot and all. And just like a toddler who is done crying, I just want to be held and comforted.

In the midst of that storm, I see Him the most. I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

I am reminded of Abraham when he went to sacrifice his son and God provided a sacrifice. I am reminded of Job and how he lost everything but at the end got everything back and doubled. I am reminded of the lineage of Jesus and how he comes from the line of David. David, a man who sought out God's heart in the middle of his lone

liness and then became king. I am reminded that sometimes all we have is two fish and five loaves of bread.. but what a miracle Jesus made out of that. I am reminded that God turned His face away to his one and only son for me.

I am then reminded of who I am in Him. I am but his beloved bride. Loved and worthy. I am reminded of the price that was paid for me on the cros

s. And it is in His love that I find comfort, because all things work for good for those who love Him.

Granted, all of this doesn't happen in an instant, sometimes it takes days or even weeks. I've learned that it takes time for the heart to understand what the mind already knows. Will all of this happen again? Probably, most definitely, me knowing myself. Do I wanna throw in the towel? All the time. But I can't help but to hold on to His promises.

I can't promise things will get easier, but let's hold on together. <3